Graham Thorpe’s daughter: He loved us and his life before illness took over

On Saturday afternoon, before the match between Farnham Cricket Club and Chipstead Cricket Club, a small, understated ceremony was held pitch-side to remember Farnham’s most famous cricketing son, Graham Thorpe. It was to Farnham that Thorpe moved from Wrecclesham Cricket Club, which is where he started out as a young boy. We all start out somewhere.
Amanda Thorpe, Graham’s wife, was present, along with her two girls, Kitty, 22, and Emma, 19. Graham Thorpe’s father, Geoff, and his brothers, Ian and Alan, were there along with wider family and friends as well as Graham’s dog, Bertie, who, Amanda says, finding it hard to suppress a smile, behaved himself for once.
Amanda, Kitty and Emma have been trying hard to smile these past few days. They have been blown away by the fondness of the reflections from former team-mates and friends and the wider cricketing community and have been determined to remember the good times they shared — and there were many — before mental illness took over two years ago and took away the man they knew and loved.
The minute’s silence at Farnham, the club to which the Thorpe family have been connected for decades, was the final commemoration of a week in which cricket supporters have paid tribute with respectful silences at Cardiff, the Oval, Thorpe’s home ground, and Lord’s. Around the country, players and former team-mates have offered their respects and the family have been thankful for that.
The family contacted me on Friday through Alec Stewart and Graham’s closest friend, Jeff Banks, both rocks of support, because they wanted to express their gratitude to the many well-wishers and because they wanted to find a way, however hard that may be, of sharing some more information after a two-year silence. They want to heighten the awareness of the illness that took him, but also want to emphasise that his life should not be defined by that. There was far, far more to him than that.
“For the past couple of years, Graham had been suffering from major depression and anxiety,” Amanda says. “This led him to make a serious attempt on his life in May 2022, which resulted in a prolonged stay in an intensive care unit.
“Despite glimpses of hope and of the old Graham, he continued to suffer from depression and anxiety, which at times got very severe. We supported him as a family and he tried many, many treatments but unfortunately none of them really seemed to work.
“Graham was renowned as someone who was very mentally strong on the field and he was in good physical health. But mental illness is a real disease and can affect anyone. Despite having a wife and two daughters whom he loved and who loved him, he did not get better.
“He was so unwell in recent times and he really did believe that we would be better off without him and we are devastated that he acted on that and took his own life,” she says.
In this dark period, there were moments of light. Amanda shows me a radiant photograph of them both from a dinner at the Oval to mark Richard Thompson’s departure as chairman of Surrey in November 2022. John Major was the guest of honour and made certain, in his speech, to mark Thorpe’s presence, and the reaction in the room was suitably overwhelming.
But the illness returned. “We are not ashamed of talking about it,” Kitty says, with remarkable composure and bravery. “There is nothing to hide and it is not a stigma. We were trying to help him get better before and trying to protect him, which is why we said nothing. This is the time now to share the news, however horrible it is. We’ve wanted to be able to talk and share and we’d now like to raise awareness, too.” There is talk of starting a foundation in his name.
“He had loved life and he loved us but he just couldn’t see a way out. It was heartbreaking to see how withdrawn he had become. He was not the same person. It was strange to see this person trapped in the body of Dad. That’s why we’ve been so happy that the many reflections have been about his life before this illness took over. I’m glad that’s how everyone does remember him, rightly so, as the complete character he was.”
Kitty adds: “When I first got to university, a friend asked me what my dad did and I said he used to play cricket, and she said, ‘OMG so does mine!’ When she went home and mentioned this to her dad, the penny dropped. We still laugh about it now! He never talked about his achievements.”
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Kitty remembers, above all, the dancing. “He would get up and dance anywhere to anything. He wasn’t the best dancer, but he never cared about that.” They have been lifted in recent days by the fondness with which he has been remembered. “He was so humble,” Emma recalls. “I didn’t really realise how good he was, until reading all the tributes in the past few days. He hardly ever talked about his success or his playing days. If someone asked him what he did, he’d say he knocked a ball about a bit.” Emma remembers the hours they spent playing table football together. “He taught me all his tricks, until I could finally beat him.”
Amanda remembers that anti-authoritarian streak fondly. “That’s the Graham I know and remember and loved. Graham was a free spirit, he had his own mind and his own way of going about things. He loved a loud shirt. My favourite memory of him is in Barbados, which he loved, enjoying a rum punch and listening to his favourite reggae after a swim. He was handsome, so handsome. He was funny and he made us all laugh so much.”